I dropped out of University.
That is the easy way of saying it; the brief story of what happened; but to make a short story long, this post is a few pennies for my thoughts about it.
To wander down the road of metaphors – to me, university has been very much like trying to fit into a really tight turtle neck.
Sure, it is a shirt that would be great to have in your closet, but no matter how you try to squeeze through it, it just does not feel right. It doesn't fit right, it is not the right size, but everyone else looks freakin fly in their turtle necks so you think you should have one too.
Okay, taking that turtle neck thing a bit too far now are we?
Metaphors aside, what I want in my life is to be happy. University was not making me happy.
It is a fairly simple equation, when you look at it like that, right? If something is making you unhappy, you should remove that factor from your life.
But it has not been a very straight forward decision. Particularly coming from a background of being an A student, part of my identity has always been “eager to learn”, I have always loved school in that sense. And it is not that I have not enjoyed my subjects – they have all been great, but yet I struggle to find purpose with it – and I cannot help but to think that this is not my true calling this time around.
I think I have known for a very long time what I needed to do, which decision that felt right. The thought of another four years of chasing deadline after deadline, being committed to only one place – it gives me the creeps. Still, dropping out is not an easy decision. You kind of wish someone would just make the decision for you “do this, don’t do that” and thus, find a scapegoat if all goes to shite.
I guess going from working 60+hrs a week straight into moving to a new town and starting studies was not the ideal prerequisites for a successful start to uni life. What it came down to is when I finally had time to breath, as the second terms reading week started, I cried inconsolably and uncontrollably for 10 days straight – before I decided to fly back home to Sweden.
Now, in the aftermaths, I feel very content with my decision to leave. Perhaps I will resume my studies at a later stage, bur for right now I have no aspiration to do so. I started to work in a coffee shop again, and so far, I am really enjoying myself and how I do my hours and then get to spend my spare time not drowning in anxiety and assignments. Right now I am all Christopher McCandless.